Mr. Sick - IN PROGRESS part 1

Mr. Sick - Chapter 1

I love to sneeze, and yes, you are reading that correctly my friend. It's one of the only times my whole body knows exactly what it wants. It's comparable to having an orgasm I'd say. Yes.....yes, I can't think of anything else that makes me smile wider then my face would like, other then an orgasm and a sneeze. In some fashion I do believe I look forward to falling ill, and maybe once or twice I've been known to seek it out.

Mrs. Hopeful says I should just sniff some pepper, or maybe bring a feather to my nose. I told her that's just like masturbation instead of sex with her, and I wouldn't hear any of it. You have to be in the moment, and it has to be as true as tomorrow's a day away. Only then can one, if willing, appreciate something that makes you feel so nice in the midst of such a horrible situation. I can't blame her for attempting some good advice in my direction though, she's in love with me, and as much as I am not in love with her, it does make me feel wonderful that she cares for me so. I break her heart at least once or twice a week, and so I don't quite understand how she finds it in her to deal with me still. She tells me I'm handsom, and that no one ever talks to her in the same fashion that I do. I have plenty of good conversation with all of my acquaintances, and yet I don't love them. Maybe someday she'll understand I use her for nothing but her body, and move on to some nice young man who cares for her and feels very impartial to the joys of sneezing. Actually I'd rather that not happen, for as much I want her to be happy someday, I'd be with one less women, and my favorite smelling one at that.

The fact of the matter is I'd stay unwell for as long I could, if I wasn't so interested in going to bed with as many women as possible. When it comes to being me, it happens to be very possible, and so I shy away from walking in the rain for no other intention then becoming unwell. Women seem to find me irresistible, and I do know having an unhealthy complexion would surely ruin some of my irresistibility. Once and awhile, I naturally as any human does, become weak and wobbly, and must retire to my room for a day or two or three. Except I sit there in the dark by myself and get excited about something the rest of the world seems to think no matter of. I find this to be depressing to my heart. When I say depressing I do not mean seriously though, as I am unaware of what it truly feels to be depressed. You could say I have no tolerance or time for such a silly thing, or you could say it's my inability to be emotionally invested in anything normal people invest in. Any story you choose to follow as the right one is fine by me, as it does not change the fact being bedridden is something I can honestly say I look forward to.

My names Mr. Sick

I love to sneeze.

That's not why they call me Mr. Sick though.

I'd like to tell you why, and I do believe I will.

You might want to watch out though, as I may break your heart once or twice next week also.

Mr. Sick – Chapter 2

My dad died in a bathtub.

My grandfather died in a bathtub.

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to die in a bathtub.

Oddly enough, I find myself in one every night. It's not that I have a death wish mind you, It's just a good place to figure out what is what and what is not what. If I take a bath, I most certainly will come out of it cold, wet, and with a sensible idea. Although what I call sensible, others might call mentally, morally, and emotionally deranged, corrupt and unsound. It's likely they would call it so because that's exactly what I am. Regardless of my intentions and what they may be, it shouldn't deter you from my suggestion to take more baths.

Most people don't take baths because they don't want to sit in the own filth. I usually solve this minor problem by pumping up some water and taking a shower before hand, and then sitting in a little bit less of my own filth. Unlike others I guess my filth doesn't bother me so much. We have a symbiotic relationship. So we take a bath together quite regularly. I guess it's working pretty well, because I think I've been doing a fine job at life. Society tells me I'm good for nothing though, and wouldn't they find it just splendid to their hearts if they knew I agreed in some fashion. Still everyday despite my past and despite my murders and despite my theft, I find that I am a happy person when you get down to it. I will dedicate it all to my bathtub if I ever have to make a speech. And if you think I'm joking, then you might have good sense of when someone's joking. You may also not know me at all. Most of you fall into the latter category, the rest of you probably fall there as well, even though you may not feel it is so.

Mrs. Hopeful says maybe it's not the quiet and hot water that makes me the creative and conniving bastard that I am. Maybe it's because I can see myself naked she suggested. But I've been naked in my room in front a mirror before, and that doesn't seem to work as well, or at all for that matter. I might have a defective mirror Mrs. Hopeful says, and that I should check into it. I do understand now that I tolerate her far more often then I should because of her sly sense of humor. Most often I need help in  endeavors as well and she seems to walk the line of ignorance and wit better then anyone I've ever met, so I have her along from time to time in practices other then intercourse. She seems to find immense enjoyment in letting me know I need her for more then just taking her clothes off. I seem to find immense enjoyment how much she can deceive herself.

What I believe I am getting at is that you should unquestionably take more baths, I come across far to many people everyday looking and searching for something to change their pathetic lives. There seems to be no better advice that I can think of other then that sometimes you just have to stop and relax yourself, in order to figure out how to un-confuse the confusing. There is no better tool to aid you in this method then to soak in a bathtub.

If you are a striking women, I would probably strongly suggest this method.

If you are anything other then a striking women, I would probably strongly suggest you disregard anything I'm saying.

If you are anything other then a striking women, but can get a striking women in a bathtub with you.

Well then, you don't really need my advice about anything.


You may also have a better working mirror then me, so you could try just standing in front of that as well.

My names Mr. Sick

I love to sneeze.

I love to take a baths in my own filth.

That's not why they call me Mr. Sick though.

I'd like to tell you why, and I do believe I will.

You might want to watch out though, as I may break your heart once or twice next week also.

Mr. Sick – Chapter 3

I have more scars on my body then anyone you'll ever meet. I wish I could say they were of a more impressive nature, received in a war or in the midst of battle. Unfortunately I am not an honorable man, and if you were to ever see an honorable fight, rest assured I would not be involved or available for immediate conversation. No sir, my many pathetic scars come from picking my scabs, and doing so with daft repetition until they forever leave their mark upon my skin.
Slowly they heal, and slowly I pull them off again, with bloody fingernails and amusement in my eyes from watching the re-opened cuts try to clot and coagulate. And I do allow them to recover, because tomorrow they will provide opportunity once again, a chance to indulge in a somewhat unhealthy practice I will confess, but an unhealthy practice I appreciate and savor. I like to think that it gives me some character, but I guess I am lacking in character so much that I will conceive any reason to prove otherwise. The funny thing is I don't really find anything pleasing in blood, red is far from my favorite color, partly because I am not so dull as to have a favorite color, but also because it is most messy and easily stains just about anything it touches. Believe me when I say that any respectful woman could not find anything to fancy about blood spots on your sheets, and I suppose the ones lacking respectability wouldn't find it to agreeable either. Seeing as I have both frequenting my chambers on a regular basis, I usually aim on keeping my habit of self infliction from spoiling the fun. You would also think that my lack off a smooth skin would be somewhat of a deterrent in the subject of lust, but I bet  you'd  be surprised by the amount of women who like a rough man with rough hands to throw them around a little. So throw them around I do, scars and all.

The pain that comes along with peeling layers off of myself is not enough to discourage, and sometimes even an indication of a job being well done. I often have to grind my teeth to pull myself through, but my teeth get plenty of practice when I go out in public or talk to some person or another, so they do not mind much. In some ways I guess they are the same, my scabs and the public, both let me fuck with them over and over and never seem to mind.
             
In good company you will see me as a gentleman, and you will probably like me. The character of my hands gives me away though, and it is a shame that just about everyone is too obtuse to notice. A shame that allows me to take money from others with comfort, maybe from you someday, or maybe from your loved ones.

I steal and I cheat from anyone who lets me.

I pick and I peel everyone I can.

Until they bleed and sometimes until they die.

You are all my scabs.

My names Mr. Sick

I love to sneeze.

I love to take a baths in my own filth.

I have more scars on my body then you would find comfortable.

That's not why they call me Mr. Sick though.

I'd like to tell you why, and I do believe I will.

You might want to watch out though, as I may break your heart once or twice next week also.

Mr. Sick – Chapter 4

I fell in love with a girl, and she fell in love with me as well, but in the end we did not last, because I guess when you are young forever is too long. But then there came second girl, and she was better then the first. Smart and charming, with collar bones that could cut you if not careful. So I knew that she was mine before I even knew her name, and I fell in love with a quickness only found in the pages of a novel.

Except she did not love me back...and I was devastated.

But then there came another, and in her I could not find corrections that I would make if I was God. What I thought I wanted before was all wrong, and I felt a bit of stupidity for thinking otherwise. It was as if me and her were so perfect for each other it would have been an offense to all the imperfect couples to not be one ourselves, and back then I was not a very offensive man. So I fell in love with her as hard as gravity would allow.

But she did not love me back...and I was devastated.

Being about as pathetic as your average human being, or perhaps a little bit more, I repeated this process of falling in love and being let down until devastation lost it's meaning. Or maybe right about then is when I lost my ability to have emotions for another person. Not so much a man with no heart, but a heartless man with heartless thoughts, and recovery far off.

I think far off is where I wanted it though, as I realized falling in love was just the desire to fuck them. I often was reminded of the accuracy in this, when masturbation could turn any women from need to someone I didn't even want to talk to. I started to rather enjoy being alone, and whenever a girl would come into my bed, all I could think of after I was done destroying her was I hope that she will leave because I only have two pillows, one for my head and one for between my legs, and I wasn't ready to give up either.

So do I believe there is someone out there who can stay on my mind even after I've had some quality time with myself?  I became a happier a person when I stopped looking for the answer. Mrs. Hopeful seems to think she has some right to be that person though, and tells me if I was dim enough to take the virginity of a young naive woman like herself, I should have to deal with the consequences and attachments that come with taking the virginity of a young naive woman like herself.

I would love to agree with her

I would love to fall in love with her.

But I don't, and I can't.

Because I've been devastated one two many times, and now it's my turn to be the devastator.

My names Mr. Sick

I love to sneeze.

I love to take a baths in my own filth.

I have more scars on my body then you would find comfortable.
And I would rather you leave then purchase another pillow.

That's not why they call me Mr. Sick though.

I'd like to tell you why, and I do believe I will.

You might want to watch out though, as I may break your heart once or twice next week also.


Mr. Sick – Chapter 5

My left arm is always shaking, but just enough so only I can notice, and sometimes my full body will join in, which leaves me blurry for a couple hours from moving back and forth without moving much at all. I like to think it's a reminder of what I've done and what I've seen, which most certainly would leave you with remorse, but not for me. So all that pain and all that sorrow has no where to go but through my arms and through my legs in the form of a shiver. I don't know what kind of person I would be if I had some regrets, but I do know I would not be me, and I rather like me. I'm not going to get on one knee and propose to myself or write a personal letter of endearment of course, but I do enjoy who I am. I see the world a certain way, I see people a certain way, and to regret that would be to regret myself. So whenever I'm alone with eyes wide shut and thinking about what I should of done or what   I should of said, I remember to forget and try to forget to remember, and as that cold tremor runs through my body, I form a grin when I should form a worry.

Don't get me wrong now my good friend, my life is full of mistakes, and mistakes is a kind word for some of the things I've done. Life is like a puzzle though, and some pieces are better suited for loosing or feeding to a dog then finding their rightful place. In the end though, when everything is fit together,   you cannot see murder, and you cannot see deception, you can only see a complete picture that hides those ugly parts. So we should not regret our ugly parts, and we should have no remorse that some of them are hard to fit, because to throw them away would make an incomplete puzzle, and that is more ugly to the eye then anything else.

I do not endorse puzzles by the way, I often throw them across the room after a couple minutes in.

And I believe they should be reserved for morons.

Speaking of people who are not entirely smart, I'm sure you're aware that idiots inhabit our world by numbers that are surprisingly staggering. Everyone thinks everyone else is an idiot, and there's no one that is really correct in the matter. I personally think just about anyone I come into contact with is a idiot, and I'm sure just about anyone I talk to thinks the same of me. I have no real problems with  idiots though, and I appreciate them existing with the lack of intelligence and wisdom that they do. It's very tiring to me personally to have to listen to someone talk about how this idiot needs to die, or this group of people are destroying my life and need to die. I'm quite sure that I would not feel as swell about myself if I didn't encounter problems and idiots everyday, because those events shape who I am and how I think. I've come to the conclusion that to regret the existence of an idiot, or something I don't like, is also to regret myself. So in some fucked up fashion I am angered by nothing, and like everything. My past is bloody and so is my future, my conscious is stained but the patterns appealing, and I'm blurry because of it.

My names Mr. Sick

I love to sneeze.

I love to take a baths in my own filth.

I have more scars on my body then you would find comfortable.

I would rather you leave then purchase another pillow.

And I am blessed with lack of regret.

That's not why they call me Mr. Sick though. I was going to tell you why, and maybe someday I will. For now I'd like to talk about something else. Me and Mrs. Hopeful are planning to steal some money from a gentlemen by the name of Sir Tanly'Safe. He doesn't know she works for me, he doesn't know I know more then I should, and he doesn't know hes going to give it all to me willingly with a smile on his face.

Mrs. Hopeful – Chapter 1

Do you like liars?

I'm hoping that you do.

Otherwise you couldn't really like me.

Because I'm more interesting as another person.

Because I'm more interesting as a figment of my own imagination.

Because I'm more interesting when all you know is what I tell you, when all you know is what you see.

So be careful darling, or you might find yourself thinking you like me. You might even find yourself thinking you like me very well. Which will be right where I want you, and I guess right where you want to be.

Because honesty is overrated
And honesty is false.
Honesty is secrets kept
In order to not repulse

Everyone from thinking you're a decent human being

And it just so happens everyone thinks I'm quite the decent girl, Because it just so happens I have a bit of a talent for lying. I do not in the slightest feel immoral for inventing this that or the other in order to get you to trust me, because otherwise you'd probably go off and trust some other fake girl with a pretty dress on, and that would be tragic... at least to my design.

So I'm hoping that you like liars.

Otherwise you couldn't really like me.

Otherwise you couldn't really like anyone.

Because we all want what we don't have
And want more of what we do
We have mask for everyday
To hide from others what is true

Everyone is in on the contest.

Distort, misguide, cheat, steal, fabricate, exaggerate, and look gorgeous while I do. I'm hard to resist, because you don't even know you should. I'm hard to get away from, because I won't let you till I'm done. I'm the the story you read and wished to be true, and the promise you believe will always be kept.

And so I'm really hoping you like liars.

Otherwise you couldn't really like me.

Otherwise you couldn't really like yourself...

My names Mrs. Hopeful

And I lie to everyone.

Mr. Sick believes everything I want him to.

And you will as well..

Mrs. Hopeful – Chapter 2

The first time that we had sex
I bled onto his sheets

And I do assume
That they were ruined
Of any further use

We washed them though
And very slow
The red turned back to blues

I'm sorry dear.
No problem dear.
I forgot you were a virgin.

The first time that we had sex
I bled onto his sheets

I told the truth
He stole my youth
And now I'm not brand new

It would seem so
He said you know
You fuck just like one too

I'm sorry dear.
No problem dear.
I forgot you were a virgin.

The first time that we had sex
I bled onto his sheets

But he was kind
And didn't mind
The girl from off the shelf

And by his stare
I saw some care
For the mess that was myself

I'm sorry dear.
No problem dear.
I forgot you were a virgin.

The first time that we had sex
I bled onto his sheets

And after all
I thought I'd fall
In love for just today

I got instead
Was what he said
Tonight you cannot stay

I'm sorry dear.
No problem dear....
You forgot I was a virgin.

Now every time that we have sex
I'm bleeding on his bed
But not the kind that stains the sheets
My bleeding is not bled

Mrs. Hopeful – Chapter 3

Oh no don't sleep with them.
It gets you no where dear,  it'll get you no where.  

Trust me.......

Interested is a word the dictionary can't even figure out.
Take it to your grave and I'll meet you there.

Because they don't know left from down or up from right, and it's none of your business to show them. You're that innocent, mischievous, truthful and willing to break the rules kinda girl. Wholesome and naughty in one little cute package. They would cheat on their wifes at a moments notice if you wanted them to.

Set them up.

And watch them squirm.

Because right across the street they get what they think they need.

Pretty girl's on the rise
Lovely dress on her body
Mascara for eyes
And she's set for tonight

Pretty bruised on her thighs
Because they all know her body
Mascara for guys
And they're set for tonight

So don't you sleep with them.
Because it gets you no where dear,  it'll get you no where.  

I'm going to steal money from Sir Tanly Safe, and hes not going to even flinch when it happens, because a girl who won't drop her pants seems like someone you can invest a bit of trust in. Hell, I'd invest in any man who wouldn't sleep with me. Sir Tanly Safe probably think hes helping me because he believes himself to be a good person.

A gentleman helping the good girl.

But I know what hes thinking, and I know why he wants me to think highly of him. Even if he really was a good man, and believed he was doing it without the promise of sex, his motivation to do so would fade if he had me.  

My fingertips and lips swirling around in his head.
My sweat and my whispers for his heavy heart.

Those are your weapons
Those are your cards

So don't you sleep with them.
Because it gets you no where dear,  it'll get you no where.  

But if you must, I suggest you make it good, and one of a kind. So when they are fucking someone else, they wish they were fucking you instead.

Mrs. Hopeful – Chapter 4

I doubt that he could look at me the way he looks at her
And I fall apart from every word that's leaving me unsure

She's got him by the chest
And if she wants, his feet will never touch the ground

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do...

He whispers in the sweetest way I wish I didn't hear
And smiles when she kisses deep and never stops for air

She's got him by the chest
And if she wants, he'll fall the lovers fall

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do...

I thought this would be easy...silly girl. I break trust for a living, not hearts. If someones going to cry, it's going to be over me, not some other thing, not some other woman. Although it is amusing to watch how stupid that man is around her.

And am I to wreck that?

It's surprising I even struggle with whether to care or not, and wish this could be easier because my eyes miss being dry. I'm sure I'll look back on this occasion with risibility, and a sense of humor at how absurd I was to set aside my intent for any amount of time at all.  I suppose love can make even outsides and innocent bystanders guilty of wanting it to last. It tricks us into believing maybe this time it's for real, maybe this time it will last forever, and humanity will not be complete shit after all.

I'm not so easy to convince or be mislead anymore...and yet I see it in his eyes, and how he acts when she laughs or pouts her lips.

And am I to break that?

Am I to be the one Sir Tanly'Safe hates for tomorrow and a day?

Furthermore, how would I tell Mr. Sick I was unable to complete my work?

Be it as it may, she will be the end of me.

Should I let him keep his lovely girl forever in romance
Or let my little lies come out and ruin his only chance

I've got him by the chest
And If I want, his feet will never leave the ground

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do...

Be it as it may, Ms. Conception will be the end of me.

Mrs. Hopeful – Chapter 5

Spill your blood

A harsh memory is all that waits for those who give anything but everything, for the past is not polite Will you rot in regret
Every chance that you get
Or protect thy skin and bones

Protect your skin from every sin
That starts and eats away within
From all the times our lies are thin
and reveal our skin and bones

The fence we all sit is satisfaction. It is of the utmost importance that we practice being content, and the utmost insult to accept being it as well. Most likely you will stay in place, because you're made of lazy wishes and subdued dreams,  and lack the kind of heart that pumps finer blood into legs that will jump from side to side.

It's all in the shoes really...

It's all in the learning curve...

Because we're all looking forward to looking back
On our thoughts and what they meant
Will we story tell the truth
Or will we wonder where they went

Looking forward to looking back
On our dreams and what they said
Will we smile, sigh, and cry
Or will we hide our face instead

Looking forward to looking back
On our lives and what we were
Will we see what we see now
Or will it kill us when we learn

Most of us will wither and fall apart, while few will jump at any conversation involving old friends about old times. There will be no reward for being as fickle as fickle gets. So I'm sorry sweety, but rotting less is always on my mind. I apologize if your upset that I couldn't fill the role of that everyday girl with that everyday smile on everyday call with that everyday guile, but I'm sure that it would of worked out if you knew that another woman can always ruin a party.

Sir Tanly'Safe and Ms. Conception will be a mark upon my conscious, and I can feel my flesh spoiling at even the thought of you making me waste my time and my self respect at the chance for just some money. I suggest we find another job, for I will not continue on with this.

You know me..

Cut my throat and call me dying if I am not consumed by love, passion, or even hate.
I trust that you will trust me.

Sir Tanly'Safe – Chapter 1

He shot her. Oh my god he shot her. Fucking motherfucker. Oh no. Oh god. He's leaving. Follow him. I have no weapon. I have my hands. I'll rip out his throat and last words won't even be an option. It's dark. I can't see. I can't see anything. He's leaving. Through the ally. He followed her here. I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know what he was going to do. The walls still bleed for you. They bleed for me as well. I can't breathe. She fell into the water. Please stay close to the shore dear. I'll be back to get you. I'll be back. I won't let him get away. He shot her. Why did he shoot her? Why is this happening? I'm going to vomit. I'm going to die. He's getting away. No. I'll get him. I'll find him. Go..... go...

Wait. Just wait. He'll come out. I know he will. What if he doesn't? Where would he go? Don't worry he'll come out. I know he will. I'll kill him baby. I'll kill him. This isn't supposed to happen. I should of stopped him. Breathe...

There he is. Stay calm. Get him from behind. Stay calm. He's talking to someone. He's smiling. He's fucking smiling and they don't even know. I feel sick. I'm going to make it slow. You ruined everything. What the fuck for? I don't understand. She was perfect. You were perfect baby. Never again in my life, never again. That was it. That was everything. Revenge  follows you closely sir. I saw what you did. I know what you did. That's it. Walk away. You're in the clear sweety. You're in the clear...

I can't move my arm. I need a doctor. I saw his face again. The man she was with other day. She said he was an old friend. Why would he do this to her. She didn't deserve to die. I'm bleeding pretty bad. I'll be ok. I'll be ok. Where am I? I have to go North. The hospital is that way. No. I have to go back. I have to get her. I won't leave you there. Don't worry dear. Don't worry. I'm coming. How could I let this happen? What am I missing? What did I did I do wrong? My arm. My fucking arm.  He was happy to see me. He was happy to pull the trigger. I should of waited. I'm so tired. I just want to lay down and cry. I never cry. I never cry...

She's gone. The river is too strong. Mrs Conception is gone. I'm sorry. Forgive me please. Forgive me. The mist makes my lips cold. I remember when you kissed me. I could stand out here forever. You walked into the room tonight and I remember telling myself not to move. Don't say anything. Let her walk over and ask what's wrong. I just wanted to watch. I just wanted to watch you. Confusion was your cutest weapon, and your dresses always made me jealous because they got to touch you all they wanted...

Listen to me closely.  This how it is. We cut so deep we make it to the other side. We break so much we leave no chance to mend. And we hit so hard are knuckles bleed for days. I wish that I could leave room for mercy and a call for shame, because I've never tortured a man, but I'll be sure to figure it out.

Retaliation is my life.


Mr. Sick will die...

Sir Tanly'Safe – Chapter 2

...Perfect. Everything must be perfect. Candles!...No Candles. Ok. What's next? The floor is clean. Good good. Do I smell alright? I can't smell myself. I think I feel I smell alright. It doesn't matter does it? They come, they laugh, they go, they never come back again, confusion confusion, self reflection and revision, then careless until I'm tricked again. I don't care anymore. You're right I care too much. I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick. Perfect. Everything should be perfect.  My feet hurt. I never wear these shoes. Will she even care? I don't know. I look good from the front. I should always stay in front of her. That's stupid. I'm stupid. I give up. There's no such thing as perfect. Please make it easy. Please be the one...

...Just say it. Just go out there and say it. I'm taking too long in here. She's going to notice. Fucking hell I can't piss. I knew this would happen. She still makes me nervous. Do I make her nervous? Have I ever made anyone nervous? Just relax, you're doing good. You're funny tonight. She twirls her hair constantly. They told me that was a sign. Yes I suppose it is. I want to say it to her. Just go out there and say it. She put her hand on my leg. Surprising. I shouldn't of got up. I need some cold water on my face, I'm sweating for no reason. I'm sweating for the best reason sir, the only reason. I should go out and tell her...

... I love you too she said. Wonderful, wonderful. She sitting so close to me. She smells amazingly good. I'm smelling her too much. I think she likes it. We're sinking into the cushions. We're sinking. We're sinking. I don't care if we ever get up. This is calm. This is happiness. Her voice is low. I like that. Upstairs? We can go upstairs. Her hands are soft. She's guiding me along her legs. Amazing. Pulling me now. I always wanted this. Up the stairs we go. I love when she looks back. Her hair covers her eyes, but not her freckles. I love her freckles. She's breathing heavy. I can see her hair touch and leave her lips. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember what happened. We're sinking. We're sinking...

...All I can see is her silhouette. She leans in close to tell me faster. She leans in close to say my name.  We should of closed the curtains. Some light is sneaking in. I like when her skin is up against mine. This is where I kiss her, so brash, so bold, so daring. I swear she looks infinite. I can't stop looking at her. I can't stop staring. I can't stop. So this is where I wish for nothing but what I'm feeling. I almost believe that this isn't real, but her lips are so convincing...

... I used to think all those couples saying goodbye over and over were silly. Was it really so hard to leave? Don't look back dear. Please don't look back. I'll come and chase you down for one more goodbye, for one more kiss. I feel like I should of walked you home. Should I catch up? No, it will be alright. You said that it was close. I hope it's not too dark. It is kind of late. But she left her earings. She'll like if I give them back right now won't she? I'll tell her I wanted to make sure she was going to be safe. She'll think I'm crazy, no she'll think I'm nice. She'll know why I followed her. I'm just going to catch up with her. I don't care anymore. I'm in love, mistakes we'll be forgotten...

Sir Tanly'Safe - Chapter 3

...They won't be able to see me, I'm sure I'm sitting far enough away. Why is she here with him? She didn't mention anything about meeting someone. She'll think I'm here out of jealousy. I just wanted to surprise her. I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick. Order. This lady wants my order. I don't want anything. Coffee. I'll have coffee. I don't even drink Coffee. They talk like they know each other well. Were they lovers. Are they still lovers? He hasn't touched her though, she always likes when I touch her. That's good. I guess that's good isn't it. I don't know what's going on.  I shouldn't of come here. She'll think I came out of jealousy. I trust you though I swear I do...

...They all sneak a moment from their conversation to look at her. I like watching them stare maybe more then I like staring myself. Mrs. Conception is mine and only mine my friends, mine and only mine...

...They're talking about another woman. I can't hear everything. God dammit I wish I was closer. She'll see me. I hope she doesn't see me, that would be the end...

...I have to get closer. I have to know what she's saying. Wait for it. Move in a minute when she isn't looking...

...Now...

...Lower, get lower. Ok behind the booth should do it right. Wait for it. Now. Fuck. Fuck. Alright. It's fine. Neither of them saw me I'm sure of it. This should do it. Well now aren't you smooth haha. A regular sleuth, and a paper with you as well...

...He likes her more then Mrs. Hopeful he said. Who is Mrs. Hopeful? She laughs at him though. Only because you never get the nice girls she told him. He's grinning. Is that so he says. I hate when they are confident with that stupid smirk. I don't understand how woman could like that. I wish they could see all he wants is to fuck. She's smarter then that.  But still she laughs along. I love everything about her I really do, I wouldn't change anything if I could, not a thing. Mrs. Conception is mine and only mine...

...It's still to hard to make out. I can't risk it. I can't. He's asking if she is having any problems. She shakes her head. The other woman again. He's telling her he will take care of any problems that come between them. What problems? Maybe he works for her. She looks annoyed. I think shes cute even when she doesn't want to be.  Does she know he looks at her like that? I want to smack him in the face. I shouldn't say that. I didn't come here out of jealousy. She'll think that's why I came. I'll have to run back so she thinks I was always there. Yes...yes that's what I'll do and she'll never know...

...Her eyes look tired. I think she can tell I'm out of breath. She knows I followed her doesn't she. She says I'm silly. I guess I am. I feel sick I feel sick. I believe her. It's weird to trust someone like this but I just do. Just a friend. He was just a friend. Nothing to worry about. I followed her out of jealousy. I followed her out of jealousy. I can't risk it. I can't ruin it. I shouldn't of gone. She forgives me. Wonderful..Wonderful.

Mrs. Conception is mine and only mine.

Sir Tanly'Safe - Chapter 4

...I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick                    I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick                  I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick               I feel               sick I feel sick I             feel sick I feel                         sick
I feel        sick I feel       sick I         feel          sick I feel             sick I feel            sick I feel sick I feel         sick                               I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel  sick                                   I feel sick I feel sick                       I                     feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick
    I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick
                                     I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick
           I feel sick
                                                                  I feel sick...

...Who is she? Who is she? My god who is she? Time! How am I for time? Enough I'm sure of it. Oh god I am a sad sad man, but I love it. I love it I love it. Ok, here we go. Sharpen up. Pointless of course. She'll never know I exist. She must....she will. She won't, ahhhh what a waste you are. This is capital if I do say so myself. Caught up again. I feel sick I feel sick...

...We are way out of the way. Holy shit am I lost. I don't even know where this is. The things I do for a chance at nothing, the things I do I swear. Thank god she stops a lot. I could never say hi and talk to that many people. I don't even really like talking to people. Come to think of it I don't really like people, But ohhh do I like her. Wonderful, wonderful. I feel in me what I everyday I tell myself will never be again. It will pass like it always does. I know I know I know. I don't want to wonder anymore. I don't want to be lonely...

...She noticed me. I've been following far to long. Such and idiot. Useless when it comes to them, I swear it I swear it.  What I would give you have no idea. The things that I would do. A good laugh sir, you've convinced yourself again. Get it together, that's it. That will make it easy for next time. She doesn't know what she is missing. She doesn't even know. If I only had the chance. What I would give you have no idea. Who was she? My god who was she?...

...A crowd, why is there a fucking crowd? What is going on here? Move along. Move along. I shouldn't of come here, the amount of people is sickening. Someone is pulling me. What the HELL do they wannn....It's her!.....My name. My name. My NAME. Sir Tanly'Safe. That's funny? Why does she think that's funny? Mrs. Conception...I like that. Wonderful, wonderful.  Her eyes rip me apart. Wait. What?...I have no idea where we are. I cannot direct a thing. Walk with her? Of course. Of course I will...

...Live in the moment. It's happening. I am right here and she's right there. What are you saying? What is going on? Relax..relax. You're doing fine. She enjoys my company I think. I'm going to be late. I am going to be late. I don't give a fuck. Who is she? My god who is she? This smell is incredible. I'm a embarrassing myself already. I can't help it...I fuck up every chance I get. She's laughing though. I'm charming? I'm charming?...

... I woke up today. I looked out my ugly window that faces West instead of North, and saw clouds that seemed so normal I don't recall them till now. Nothing was there to remind me that life is life, and change is constant. I washed my face. I shaved. And looked in my ugly mirror that faces me instead of others. It was all ok. I was content with the calm and bore that was my day ahead of me, because in my heart I knew that there was more to everything so many would call nothing...

...Who is she? My god who is she?...

Sir Tanly'Safe - Chapter 5

...I'm forgetting how to feel lonely. Don't get up today. Don't get up. Smile by yourself under the sheets. No one to enjoy the light struggle through with you. It used to make me sad. The image. I don't mind being empty. Odd. I'll take a bath maybe. It always calms me down. I'm forgetting how to feel lonely. I'm forgetting how to feel. It'll come around. She will come around. I don't care really. I don't. Why worry anymore. Someone will crash into me someday...

..Tired, tired eyes
In search of me they tremble
You're multi-tasking sins
But I don't even care

All hopes on me to look for you
Yet every week a new perfume

But they don't smell like me
They don't act like me
Stupid stupid girls
You loved them all until you met them
Until you figured out they wouldn't fuck
So you put them in a picture

The lineup of your failure

But I figured you out
And that's why I'm not around
The girls aren't the ones who don't know what they want
The girls aren't imperfect
You are
Show me when you're ok with that
And I'll show you how my lips taste again
I'll show you who I am...

...I convince myself pretty easily hmmm. It'll all break down. I built a wall just so it could be broken down. Sorry dear I forgot to let you know I'm emotionally dead inside. I'm emotionally dead and there's nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing. Actually maybe one thing dear. You could be someone else. I'll tell them that. That's good. Wonderful,wonderful...

I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick

I am Sick...


Mr. Ree Observations

And isn't it funny I said, that we deceive our selves so easily! Yet he didn't understand. I was so distraught I tell you now!

What a pathetic little religious man that was. Oh religion! Don't even get me started, it makes me want to throw up you know? And not for the reasons you may be thinking no no no, I don't give a damn if you believe in flying spaghetti. It just takes some of the charm our of life I say, thinking you know what's in store if you do this or that like it's some sort of formula for happiness. That idea itself is almost more ridiculous then the promises they make

...almost haha!

I rather like not knowing. Ask me where I'll be in five years or when I'm dead, and I'll tell you in another place during another time and that's as far as I predict. God is like a friend that tells you the end of a joke before you hear the rest, and I have no interest in those type of friends. You on the other hand darling....you I enjoy. Anyways I'm getting off track, you always make me go off track! If you make me wander one more time, I swear I will stop talking, and you know how I am when I stop talking!

I was telling this man that I met a woman who said she lied so much she ended up lying to herself. She cried in front of me, which woman do exhaustedly too much, until I asked her to explain. She told me that love was complete shit.

Now calm down before you say anything good sir!

I know you know me. I certainly took the time to explain to her that she was wrong, and you know how people get when someone tells them that they are wrong. I was not rude in the least though, I simply said that it was funny, that we deceive our selves so easily!

She my friend, understood perfectly, unlike the little man I mentioned before! This woman on my honor was a pleasure I am not used to having, and I shit you not, pretty close to bringing me back from my automatic ticket to hell.

I asked her if she would like a drink, and she said she wanted two. I'm sure you understand that I'm almost incapable of shying away from an opportunity to get drunk, and so I got drunk I'm sorry. She told me her story as we drank though, and let me tell you something, when she said that she lied too much, I think was a bit of an understatement. I will not go into detail now, because it's far too long and we don't have time, and also because it's fuzzy darling you understand yes? But she had got herself into one heck of a situation due to one big lie wrapped up in a lot of little lies. I am good with advice let us both admit, But her troubles were difficult I must say! Non the less I did what I could, or should I say I said what I could, to help her charming yet sorry ass!  After what I can only guess was somewhere between an hour or two, she had to get going unfortunately.

She said to me before she left...”Mr. Ree, I fear you have changed my life. I have deceived myself too long.”

And isn't it funny I said...

Isn't it funny?

Mr. Sick - Chapter 6

Hello friend, I'm sorry for the delay but I had some business to attend to. I'm sure you missed me more then I missed you, but don't worry, that's perfectly normal.

Anyways, where did we leave off? Ahhhh yes yes yes, I believe I told you some odd sorts about me, and was to go into the details of my dealings with Sir Tanly`safe. As it turns out, Mrs. Hopeful is not such a good whore after all, and has made a bit of a mess out of what otherwise should have been clean and cut and simple, and a lot of other words that mean easy.

Apparently....

According to her....

Another woman our target has invested in, a Mrs. Conception I am told.

She said that it was love...

And I told her she was wrong.

A problem is what it is. And I solve problems very well.

So tonight I will.

You can add another murder to the total. You can add another notch to the belt. Because I already can't wait till the sun sets, for tonight the darkness is my dagger.

The shadows are my security...

I'll put on my coat and hat and sit in the chair closest to my door.  And then I'll wait. I'll wait much longer then I probably should because I have a peculiar habit of being too early to everything. Annoyingly early in fact. I find myself annoying at times, but I won't tonight. Because the time has to be perfect. The time has to be right. The darkness is my dagger. The shadows are my security. Checking the clock and starring at the door over and over. It's very tiring being so on time. I will probably began to shake with excitement. Wonderful, wonderful. I'm going to kill someone tonight. Someone behind this door.

Do you think anyone could appreciate how prompt I was to even these type of events?

I know that I would appreciate it...

I don't think it would be very pleasant to be killed not on time.

But I'm betting Mrs. Conception doesn't care for how I think.

I'm betting Mrs. Conception doesn't care for timing to be right.

It's ok though...

Someone once told me we all get what we deserve, and some will get what others don't.

I like to picture myself as the guy who decides who gets those undeserving parts.

Mr. Sick is what they call me.

Mr. Sick is who I am.

The darkness is my dagger.

The shadows are my security.

I'm going to murder someone tonight.

Won't you come along for the ride?

Mr. Sick - Chapter 7

I'm usually very cautious about the weapon I choose for killing someone. I like it to be as random as possible really, preferably of course, and not because I'm scared that repetition is a weakness. I just think it's more appealing when I don't know how I'm going to help them die, and I guess it's more comfortable that way as well. Though it's all in good fun you must know, we entertain in the strangest ways, for ourselves and heavens sake, and sometimes hell as well. You may think it difficult to always find something useful on such short notice, but you would be surprised how much everything resembles a murder weapon...

At least to me..

I guess it started slowly when I was younger, maybe only when I really needed one that day. I always remember thinking to myself how odd it was that I found exactly what I wanted exactly when I wanted it. Good job old friend and so you know, you hardly have the capacity to disappoint. I've never considered it a talent though. It's just the way I think I guess, and I see nothing special in that. I must admit to you  now at least that I enjoy it very much. So much that I sometimes began to wonder if I would always be this way, or if in the future my thoughts would be more along the lines of a normal rationale, fading me down to normal as well.

The thought of being like you was depressing.

And  it still is every now and then....but now not so often.

I'm safe.

Because as I get older and as I get better, it never goes away. It comes quite naturally to me I would venture. Such a knack for seeing possibility in the altered use of this or that. It's wonderful, wonderful and I am convinced It only gets easier as time goes along. Which is not such great news for anyone who annoys me. Which is not such great news for anyone when I put it that way hmmmm?

Mr. Sick you are the worst and best man I ever met.

Thank you, I haven't decided whether I like myself or dislike myself as well. But I'm leaning towards dislike.

Well you certainly live up to your name almost every chance you get.

My name....my name? Do you know how I got my name?

No I don't, nor do I care anymore. You would never tell me anyways.

I'll tell you someday dear, But your right in that I'm not telling you now. And you are very incorrect in saying that you don't care! I think patience is underrated in our society.

I think it's rated just fine honestly.

Maybe your right. I don't believe anything I say at this point in my life. And I make more sense then just about everyone. Imagine that...

I convince myself and Mrs. Hopeful that I have no feelings for her, and overall we are both in agreement that that is the case, but I'm most likely not being entirely true when I say it. I feel jealousy if she fucks someone else, and I feel lonely when talking to another girl and they respond with less wit then I would like. In some ways Mrs. Hopeful is mine and only mine, she's just waiting for the word. Yet I forgot how to let myself feel for whomever I should be feeling for. And so I'm sure that it is mistake to not tell her that I love her, but I cannot say the words because I don't believe in them anymore.

I don't want you to get the wrong impression.

I only murder for a reason.

And this time around Mrs. Hopeful is my reason.

I have to clean up her little mess of course. What a pain in the ass she is! But as I understand it, I'm only doing it because she doesn't want me to, to prove that I don't care what she thinks. Which proves I really do. Which proves I don't know what the hell I want from her.

Yes, I am convinced that I could live quite easily without her. But we convince ourselves of anything when they are not standing right in front of us.

I collapse in her presence.

I collapse in her smell.

But neither her or I can see it.

Right now I am not annoyed, my waiter seems very nice. He probably thinks the same of me. He is wrong. Today I am out and about alone, as I so often like to do. Having a restrictive agenda hasn't held much interest to me in the longest time. I have one thing to do later...the rest of the day is free time. I'm eating alone because that is how I like it. I eat differently when I'm alone. Faster, more, and messier. Manners are not so important when you don't care what other people think. There are others in the restaurant, they are not what I consider people though. I am alone. He cleans the table with a smile. I like to smile back. I can't figure out why I hate waiters so much but believe them all to be doing a good job. No ones going to notice anything is missing. I put it in my pocket before he had the chance to take it with my plate. No connection. No premeditation. I liked the way it cut my steak. I'll like the way it cuts my friends.

I'll leave without anyone noticing. I am pretty good at being unnoticeable. Now that is a talent I'm glad to have. I would be nothing if you thought me interesting.  I would be nothing if you thought of me at all.

They call me Mr. Sick

But they have no idea what I am...


Mr. Sick - Chapter 8


“To the man who has no aim.” It read along the side.

Engraved into the silver handle. So I can feel it even when I'm not looking. So I could feel it at all times.

I ran my shaky fingers slowly through each word as I said them to myself.

“What an awful thing say...” I thought. How very fucked a gift she got for me.

I get off on it though.

I don't know why, but theres something in it I like.

You would think someone calling you terrible would make one angry. But it doesn't.

I adjust my top hat.

I spit on the road.

I twirl the gun.

Not because I think I'm tricky, but because it feels necessary.

I'd probably shoot myself bi-accident if god had his way. But surprisingly I've lived this long, so he's either on my side or doesn't exist. Whatever the case..it works for me.

The gun feels cold and awkward in my hand.

Everything feels cold...

And everything feels awkward...

I'm waiting for the door across the street to open. I'm waiting for Mrs. Conception to come out and say hello, and then my friends my dear good friends we follow and we fire, and end one life and yet so many, because emotions are a cripple.

I was going to stab her tonight.

But I've never used this gift Mrs. Hopeful kindly got me.

So in her honor!

I'll pull this trigger and pull it well.

I adjust my coat.

I spit on the road

I twirl the gun.
I don't know what they are doing inside. I would venture they are falling in love.

Or hit the floor already.

I can't exactly remember what it felt like, I feel kind of embarrassed I felt it for a girl one time at all.

I'm doing him a favor.

Sir Tanly'Safe will think their love would of lasted forever. He'll live the rest of his life believing that it was real, Oh boy oh boy was it real, and he had it once upon a time. I find it kind of charming don't you think? Or maybe I find it kind of sad. I can't decide, I'm flip flopping back and forth.

I'm doing him a favor and certainly he'll be safe.

From whatever it is that I have become...

I'm doing us all a favor.

I adjust my thoughts.

I spit on the road.

I twirl the gun.

No shot goes of accidentally.

There is no god, because who would ever pick my side?

The door across the street opens up.

It is time...


















To Be Continued....